A Centipede Was Thirsty – (from I’VE LOST MY HIPPOPOTAMUS)
A centipede was thirsty,
But to satisfy its need,
It drank too much for it to hold—
And so the centipede.
Carpenter, Carpenter – (from THE FROGS WORE RED SUSPENDERS)
Carpenter, carpenter, build us a house,
A sweet little house for a mouse and a spouse,
A mouse and a spouse and a family too,
We know that you can, and we hope that you do.
Build it of brick so it’s cozy and warm,
To keep us from harm in a cold winter storm.
As soon as you finish, we’ll pay you with cheese,
Carpenter, carpenter, build our house, please.
Kitty Caught a Caterpillar – (from RIDE A PURPLE PELICAN)
Kitty caught a caterpillar,
Kitty caught a snail,
Kitty caught a turtle
By its tiny turtle tail,
Kitty caught a cricket
With a sticky bit of thread,
She tried to catch a bumblebee,
The bee caught her instead.
The Average Hippopotamus – (from MY DOG MAY BE A GENIUS)
The average hippopotamus
is big from top to bottomus,
It travels at a trotamus,
And swims when days are hotamus.
Because it eats a lotamus,
It’s practically a yachtamus,
So it’s a cinch to spotamus
The average hippopotamus.
Ogrebrag – (from MONDAY’S TROLL)
A callow knight in armor,
Displayed his lack of wisdom
And charged into my cave.
He challenged me to battle,
In moments it was through.
He made a tasty morsel—
His horse was tasty too.
A Dragon’s Lament – (from THE DRAGONS ARE SINGING TONIGHT)
I’m tired of being a dragon,
Ferocious and brimming with flame,
The cause of unspeakable terror
When anyone mentions my name.
I’m bored with my bad reputation
For being a miserable brute,
And being routinely expected
To brazenly pillage and loot.
I wish that I weren’t repulsive,
Despicable, ruthless, and fierce,
With talons designed to dismember
And fangs finely fashioned to pierce.
I’ve lost my desire for doing
The deeds any dragon should do,
But since I can’t alter my nature,
I guess I’ll just terrify you.
I Made A Noise This Morning – (from WHAT A DAY IT WAS AT SCHOOL!)
I made a noise this morning
That I didn’t mean to make.
It truly was an accident,
An error, a mistake.
I don’t know how it happened,
But it suddenly was there,
Filled with great reverberations
That resounded in the air.
It made a strong impression
On the people in the room.
A lot of them reacted
Like they’d heard a sonic boom.
They looked at one another
As if asking, “was it you?”
They were laughing, they were pointing—
I behaved the same way too.
I couldn’t keep from joking
With the other girls and boys,
And never once admitted
It was I who made that noise.
Though I’m sorry that I made it,
From the bottom of my heart,
Ina way, my brief eruption
Was a little work of art.
The Ballpoint Penguins -(from BEHOLD THE BOLD UMBRELLAPHANT)
The BALLPOINT PENGUINS, black and white,
Do little else but write and write.
Although they’ve nothing much to say,
They write and write it anyway.
The BALLPOINT PENGUINS do not think,
They simply write with endless ink.
They write of ice, they write of snow,
For that is all they seem to know.
At times, these shy and silent birds
Will verbally express their words,
But mostly they do not recite—
They aim their beaks and write and write.
Jellyfish Stew (from THE NEW KID ON THE BLOCK)
I’m loony for you,
I dearly adore you,
Oh, truly I do,
You’re creepy to see,
Revolting to chew,
You slide down inside
With a hullabaloo.
You’re soggy, you’re smelly,
You taste like shampoo,
You bog down my belly
With oodles of goo,
Yet I would glue noodles
And prunes to my shoe
For one oozy spoonful
Of jellyfish stew.
My Brother’s Bug (from SOMETHING BIG HAS BEEN HERE)
My brother’s bug was green and plump,
It did not run, it could not jump,
It had no fur for it to shed,
It slept all night beneath his bed.
My brother’s bug had dainty feet,
It did not need a lot to eat,
It did not need a lot to drink,
It did not scream, it did not stink.
It always tried to be polite,
It did not scratch, it did not bite,
The only time it soiled the rug
Was when I squashed my brother’s bug.